A Thai Massage To Cry For
Ah, Thailand, exotic and flavored, hot and wild, friendly and intriguing! My first Thai adventure had me all optimistic and curious, ready to try it all of my bucket list. But then nothing prepared me for a Thai massage to cry for. Or to cry because of it, more likely, thinking I will die right then and there.
It was already dark when we arrived in Bangkok and I thought it was a bad day, weather wise. While the airport was conveniently cooled, the hot air outside became suffocating in an instant. As a casual smoker back then, after a long haul flight, a cig would have been one of the first thoughts, normally. But not this time. Clearly, we needed to find a car and head to the hotel. asap.
Suggested articles:
Cuba, A Day Trip To Cayo Largo
Taxi! Khao San Road, please!
One of the “perks” of traveling to really hot countries like Thailand: you’re either melting in the sun or freezing to death indoor, taxi included.
If you are in Bangkok, then you want to be as close as possible to Khao San Road, as you want to be in Shinjuku when in Tokyo.
We were recommended the Rambuttri House on Khao San Road. It was a spotless clean accommodation, on a budget and hosting a very vivid touristic palette. Though, not much time to spend at the hotel, as we only had five days for the big city.
My very first photo in Thailand – breakfast in the heart of Bangkok, Rambuttri House
Me, waiting for my English breakfast. Wild guess, right?
Suggested articles:
Astonishing Overnight Train Journey In India
A Perfect Maldives Trip – 28 Tips
It can take up to 20 minutes to cross a street in Bangkok, using the stairs. There is no other way.
A Thai Massage Doesn’t Come With A Happy End
I knew nothing about Thai massage, but I knew it was NOT what most thought it was. Definitely not erotic. So I assumed it was for relaxation. Never assume anything about massage in general, or Thailand in particular!
One of the best, if not THE BEST place for it is Wat Pho Massage School at WatPo Pavilion. Even if a massage is not your thing, the area is a must see. Wat Pho is actually the Reclining Buddha Temple, which I initially misread Recycling Buddha. I remember my admiration for such an amazing god that also loved to recycle…
Reclining Buddha, not Recycling Buddha
The best decision I took was to book only half an hour instead of a 60 minutes session. I did so out of consideration for Mike, not wanting to let him wait for me for too long.
Incidentally, my significant other wisely chose to wait outside, enjoying a cold drink. I thought he didn’t know what he was missing, but he knew better.
Only Zen outside
Suggested articles:
Herman Miller Embody vs Steelcase Leap – Which Is The Best Office Chair?
Medieval torture? A joke!
A tiny old lady showed up, traditionally saluted and smiled. Awww, so sweet, I got a grandma, a real professional! She then invited me to one of the beds, as I felt so grateful the pavilion was quite empty.
It all started with me on a side, a slow pressure on my foot, right above the pinky toe. “Hey, not bad!” I said to myself. A second pressure of her thumb a little higher was also fine. The third pressure was at the ankle and it hurt. It was the end of the fun part.
In other words, I enjoyed the Thai massage for exactly 7 seconds. For the rest of the 29 minutes and 53 seconds, the only words crossing my mind were: this crazy woman is trying to kill me, this crazy woman is trying to kill me…
Soon, before she reached my knee with the horror pressure, I was shedding tears on the pillow.
Start negotiating!
You could try to negotiate your way out of the pain, but it’s useless for a simple reason: those ladies don’t really speak English.
Somewhere in the middle of the massage, between tears and loss of consciousness, I found a little strength to ask:
“Excuse me, is the Thai massage supposed to be THIS painful?”
“Yeees… You like?”
“Well, it’s a lot more painful than I thought. Is this normal?”
“Yeees…”
“No, but I mean, it hurts and I don’t think I can…”
“Yeees…”
She carried on with the hard pressure, squeezing life from my back muscles. I had no option but to return to profound thoughts: this crazy woman is trying to kill me!
I wish Thai massage looked like this!
Actually, a Thai massage “to cry for” looks very much like this plus the pain
You don’t deserve to cry during a Thai massage
Weeks after this traumatic experience I heard the client can ask for more or less pressure during the massage. It’s not like I wasn’t trying, but all I heard was “Yeees…”.
The worst part was having my spine cracked. Or whatever the professionals call it.
Guessing the killer intention, I avoided it like a wild cat.
“Noo, you relaaax nooow…” she said. “You relax, bi***!” I said to myself.
She was trying to grab my arm, twist it to my back and then, with a jerk, realign my spine. As if I ever asked for realignment! But my dodge movements paid off and she simply gave up trying.
I’ve wiped away my tears and grinned. History was written as I defeated a professional Thai masseuse! While contemplating my victory, she grabbed my arm, twisted it to my back and, with a sudden move, she pulled and realigned my spine.
THE CRAZY WOMAN JUST KILLED ME!
Me, crying after a Thai massage at WatPo, Bangkok
At the end of the day I was covered in bruises, two dotted lines along my sides. The dark dots stayed with me for the entire trip, for three weeks. But I felt wonderful, renewed! Recycled?.. The third day my ankle swelled. Must have been the Reclining Buddha’s response to my unintentional mockery.
A few days later I booked a massage again, but this time I specifically mentioned for relaxation.
Although, I have a feeling something good came out of the whole struggle.
Stay tuned for related articles about Thailand! See you around the world!
https://www.lonelyplanet.com/thailand/bangkok
